Thoughts of Yesterday

So yesterday I had the urge to write down all those crazy ideas going on in my head. I was about to start a blog but was bombarded with questions of display name, url link, etc. I've never been able to come up with clever ideas for those types of things. I'm no Trevor. So I took a break from trying to create a blog (and clearly left that for today instead), and wrote down a spasdic stream of thoughts in my comp notepad instead. Some of excerpts follow:

-"....You're reading my words.
...that's so silly though. They're not MY words. I didn't make them up, write the alphabet, or decide how the syllables sound. They are simply words already in existance that I am putting together in a new order. Probably an order that has already existed. It's a wonder you don't ever go about reading someone else's thoughts and find you thought the same thing in the same way some day past. How many years of human life will it take for that to happen? Or has it already occured? Do we just not look that deeply into the past, afraid we'll find ourselves already deceased? Existed in another time and have since perished."

-"....I had first been contemplating my future. I'm so worried about every little detail. I've liked my life so much up to this point that the thought of change scares the hell out of me. I feel like I should have a mentor to guide me on the right path but no one has applied for the job. I dislike telling people particularly close to me things that will cause them to feel like they have control over me. Things that they can help with and that are important to my life in the long run. I'd rather it be an aquaintance I can know better as they help me. I dislike advice from those who give it as if they are superior and fully-experienced, especially in cases where I don't want advice. I don't feel like I need it most times. If something is new to me, I'll take it as it goes. However, there are times when I need to be reminded of who I am. I need others to make comments on my true character deep inside; I feel like not enough people know that person. I have someone in mind who seems like they would be prime for this job but I don't know if they are interested. Old enough, but not too old, not too haughty or forward, respectful, and analytical. How does one ask for a mentor? "Hi, would you like to guide my life from now on? Thanks, here's who I am thusfar. Try to keep up." "

-"....Half of my siblings went into college with one major and changed it to what they really love. They knew what they wanted deep down even if they ignored it at first. All of them are on the right paths, I can tell. Me, I'm leaving for school soon and am undeclared. I went to orientation and tried harder to figure out what major I was most interested in. I narrowed the list down to a tough 8 to pick from. This was after a good 2 hours. I want to learn everything. So many subjects excite me. The trouble is, nothing stands out. Everything gets me going once I really start reading about it. Sure, I'm not good at some things so that narrows the list a bit but I really wish I could just learn for the rest of my life. That is partially why I want to work with people. Like kids. I don't know what age but if I were a teacher they'd change every year, every hour, with every student. I feel like they could teach me so much but I would hate to be disappointed. I also want to do something impressive. I long to be impressive. Something clever that a lot of people don't know about..something obscure. Not just to impress others but because it would be so much fun learning that type of thing. Having a specialty. To be a forensic anthropologist would be incredible. I also like philosophy. I like learning about interpretations, different people's ideas, and to just keep learning. I feel like with philosophy there's just so much to keep going on, you're never really done. It's such a thing where the mind could be expanded so many times over again.

"I'm getting excited, my mind is getting blocked, and it's too hot under this laptop. In that case I'm taking my thoughts elsewhere. Such as my pillow. Good night."



Recently I've been wondering why the pictures we put up are only those where people are smiling and posing for the camera. We all have tons of pictures of ourselves and our families actually DOING things, why not show them off? We love talking about what we do, how much fun we have, but after those chats of the weekend's adventures around the water cooler, people return to their desks cluttered with toothy school pictures or moments when they had to hold off on the fun during vacations to turn to the camera with a winning smile.
Whenever I think about this, a few pictures in particular pop into my head. They are those that have always been packed away between dozens of other sticky photographs, timestamped over a decade ago. One is of my siblings and I splashing around in a kiddie pool at the house of some family friend. We're just as cute as we are in any other family photo, no one's disgruntled or looks unprepared for the picture; it's just a shot taken in the middle of a fun day spent with friends. The other is of my sister, when she was about the same age as she was in the previous picture, trying to hit a pinata. I don't know why I think of the two of these, but they're always there and I wonder why they were never framed and displayed about the house rather than a not-so-perfectly posed school picture that we paid for simply because it is the norm.
I think its because action shots, if you will, must be explained. It's not "here's my daughter, Stephanie, she's 5," but "see the blonde girl next to the boy with glasses? Yeah, that's my daughter, Stephanie, playing tag at a friend's house." There would only be a few more words involved but the new viewer is given more information than just the child's looks. They may get distracted by the color of the sky or the clumsy photographer's finger that covered part of the lens and shoved its way into the shot. When we display actual portraits, there's no question that we're showing the world our superficial selves. I understand this but still ask, why NOT reveal some of our interests, or for once really show how much fun we had goofing off over the Summer vacation?
Some day I want to frame the pictures of my children playing, not of my children posing.