Sunday, November 4, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
AC
Someone fixed our air conditioning. Apparently someone else had messed with the knob or something inside and, even though it said it was on 85, it was on 50. Yeah, freezing. If you have yet to hear about me ranting about our heating problem and have no clue what I'm talking about...whatever. go die or something. but not really cuz I need you. I'll write more later.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
meh. hi.
I hate how today and yesterday feel like they're weeks apart. I keep thinking "oh yeah, the other day when I was...-oh wait, that was LAST NIGHT." I went to bed really content. I was okay with everything--more than okay--for the first time in quite a long time. Then when I woke up this morning it was all different. I felt close to miserable. The world seemed to have changed in my dreams. You know how sometimes your dreams make you feel better when they remind you what you really care about or are more uncensored in regards to your feelings? Well, last night it was the complete opposite. I regretted ever having gone to sleep. So I rolled over, grabbed onto my new big purple body pillow, and tried to sleep off those dreams. The rest of the day I felt mediocre...things were chill and I didn't do anything important or that would change my mood. Suddenly sometime tonight I just plunged again. It's stressful, really. I feel like it's going around.
I don't really like this post and wouldn't post it except that I haven't posted in a few days and should I suppose. Besides, two people read this. maybe.
I wish people appreciated their lives more. and were appreciated more themselves.
I don't really like this post and wouldn't post it except that I haven't posted in a few days and should I suppose. Besides, two people read this. maybe.
I wish people appreciated their lives more. and were appreciated more themselves.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
tears
What if tears were colored? What if they stained your face? The color would fade over a number of hours--a couple days unless they were minimal--until they were gone. I wonder if we would start to decipher how many hours ago someone cried or how much they suffered.
Sad tears would be blue. Dark blue, and the more you cried, the darker they'd get. If you had been crying heavily, for hours, and uncontrollably, they'd turn purple. I wonder how this would change our lives, if people would learn to cry less and only do so in extreme circumstances. As criers, would we become cold, and numb to the world around us? Or would we be more sympathetic as we'd see how much others weep, how the tears that stained our faces last night also stained another's?
I think I know my answer but it may apply to me differently. I'll let you think about it on your own.
On the other hand, happy tears would be pink; not a hot pink or particularly light, just a fair pink. They would disappear much faster, only lasting a little over a day at most. They'd have that long so one could look in the mirror and remember that 24 hours ago they were so happy that they marked themselves with a pink glow. Happy tears come about so much less often than sad ones and it would be a flaw of the universe that they should be hidden by a faster fading, but that's the way it would be.
Maybe people would like to see the pink on a loved one's face and go out of their way to make something so spectacular for them that they might cry. I really don't think that would happen too often because once we got used to happy tears, we would slowly become prone to them, less affected by overwhelming joy. Pink tears would be sacred and saved for the most natural provocations.
There are other types of crying besides happy and sad, I know, but tears derived from frustration or because the mind and body are overwhelmed wouldn't have their own colors. It wouldn't work that way; the body could only decipher the most vague feelings to categorize one's emotions. Baby's tears would still be clear. Their cries are purely need-based. They don't cry because they are sad, but because they're physically uncomfortable with hunger, noise, or the need to be changed. Once the mind starts understanding emotions, the tears would change. It would be an interesting reinforcement of the idea of child innocence and purity. A child wouldn't be ashamed of their tears to try to hide them. They would sympathize with their peers and probably have the strongest of human relationships.
Think about it. Our faces are what we show most to the world. They are what we search for in a mirror, what we employ to tell someone that we approve or are disgruntled. When we're not happy with the way our face looks, or can't cover it up with enough make up, we change clothing to make us appear more outstanding or to blend in with a crowd and be indiscernible. To have our woes stamped onto that which we depend on to represent our minds and to be incapable of hiding them while staying true to ourselves would be close to revolutionary. We could no longer easily hide our sadness in the night, knowing that sleep would erase the evidence of puffy eyes and a cracked voice. Would we hide from each other or embrace strangers, hold more tightly onto those we love?
Sad tears would be blue. Dark blue, and the more you cried, the darker they'd get. If you had been crying heavily, for hours, and uncontrollably, they'd turn purple. I wonder how this would change our lives, if people would learn to cry less and only do so in extreme circumstances. As criers, would we become cold, and numb to the world around us? Or would we be more sympathetic as we'd see how much others weep, how the tears that stained our faces last night also stained another's?
I think I know my answer but it may apply to me differently. I'll let you think about it on your own.
On the other hand, happy tears would be pink; not a hot pink or particularly light, just a fair pink. They would disappear much faster, only lasting a little over a day at most. They'd have that long so one could look in the mirror and remember that 24 hours ago they were so happy that they marked themselves with a pink glow. Happy tears come about so much less often than sad ones and it would be a flaw of the universe that they should be hidden by a faster fading, but that's the way it would be.
Maybe people would like to see the pink on a loved one's face and go out of their way to make something so spectacular for them that they might cry. I really don't think that would happen too often because once we got used to happy tears, we would slowly become prone to them, less affected by overwhelming joy. Pink tears would be sacred and saved for the most natural provocations.
There are other types of crying besides happy and sad, I know, but tears derived from frustration or because the mind and body are overwhelmed wouldn't have their own colors. It wouldn't work that way; the body could only decipher the most vague feelings to categorize one's emotions. Baby's tears would still be clear. Their cries are purely need-based. They don't cry because they are sad, but because they're physically uncomfortable with hunger, noise, or the need to be changed. Once the mind starts understanding emotions, the tears would change. It would be an interesting reinforcement of the idea of child innocence and purity. A child wouldn't be ashamed of their tears to try to hide them. They would sympathize with their peers and probably have the strongest of human relationships.
Think about it. Our faces are what we show most to the world. They are what we search for in a mirror, what we employ to tell someone that we approve or are disgruntled. When we're not happy with the way our face looks, or can't cover it up with enough make up, we change clothing to make us appear more outstanding or to blend in with a crowd and be indiscernible. To have our woes stamped onto that which we depend on to represent our minds and to be incapable of hiding them while staying true to ourselves would be close to revolutionary. We could no longer easily hide our sadness in the night, knowing that sleep would erase the evidence of puffy eyes and a cracked voice. Would we hide from each other or embrace strangers, hold more tightly onto those we love?
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
randoms, roofs, and rules
So I don't know if I'll write everyday, or just randomly. Most likely randomly though I'd like to write a lot more. I don't want this to be just pointless thoughts, though. I'd rather it were filled with real ideas. Sometimes I feel like sharing those little, fleeting narratives in my mind--that's usually what I text to people like Michelle or Jackie, because I can--but I tend to let those pass. It's only that they come back again. I'll look at something, think about it, then later when I look at it again I'll be reminded again of what I said to myself earlier...the thought just keeps coming back. I think that's what makes me do things.
Right now, whenever I look outside, I remember that I want to climb the wall, tree, and roof. I'd have to go up the wall first via the barbeque stand or a chair, then I could make my way over to the tree and sit up there. I really want to go on the roof, up to the window next to Kelly's bed and surprise her (freak her out), but if I went on the roof I'd get in trouble. Well, if I climbed up any of those things, Mom'd get mad, but I'm pretty sure someone else who lives around here would see the roof thing and get me into more trouble. They wouldn't be able to see me from the tree I think. I still think I should do it while Kelly's not home, though, to avoid the mom-knowing factor.
Since last summer, Mom's rules (solely for me) include:
-Don't go out and get wet in the rain on purpose. This means no stomping in puddles, standing in the rain when you could be inside, no taking long routes around the school or avoiding trees/eaves. [rule since one rainy day in 6th grade. She now reminds me every rainy day.]
-No climbing on roofs. [since she found out about Laguna and the Spanos Theatre...not sure if she's heard about the church yet]
-No night-hiking. [since she thought Terrace Hill was Bishop's Peak]
-No adventuring on train tracks. [since the adventure along the train tracks...of course]
-No trespassing. [since I ripped my pants on barbed wire during the train tracks adventure]
-No climbing trees. [since we climb trees]
um, I think that's all so far. I still do those things. It makes me sound pretty bad I think but it's not, I promise. I'll try to NOT do them if she specifically lists them before I go out...I think that's fair; it's really all a parent could ask for since I'm not directly disobeying.
Right now, whenever I look outside, I remember that I want to climb the wall, tree, and roof. I'd have to go up the wall first via the barbeque stand or a chair, then I could make my way over to the tree and sit up there. I really want to go on the roof, up to the window next to Kelly's bed and surprise her (freak her out), but if I went on the roof I'd get in trouble. Well, if I climbed up any of those things, Mom'd get mad, but I'm pretty sure someone else who lives around here would see the roof thing and get me into more trouble. They wouldn't be able to see me from the tree I think. I still think I should do it while Kelly's not home, though, to avoid the mom-knowing factor.
Since last summer, Mom's rules (solely for me) include:
-Don't go out and get wet in the rain on purpose. This means no stomping in puddles, standing in the rain when you could be inside, no taking long routes around the school or avoiding trees/eaves. [rule since one rainy day in 6th grade. She now reminds me every rainy day.]
-No climbing on roofs. [since she found out about Laguna and the Spanos Theatre...not sure if she's heard about the church yet]
-No night-hiking. [since she thought Terrace Hill was Bishop's Peak]
-No adventuring on train tracks. [since the adventure along the train tracks...of course]
-No trespassing. [since I ripped my pants on barbed wire during the train tracks adventure]
-No climbing trees. [since we climb trees]
um, I think that's all so far. I still do those things. It makes me sound pretty bad I think but it's not, I promise. I'll try to NOT do them if she specifically lists them before I go out...I think that's fair; it's really all a parent could ask for since I'm not directly disobeying.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Thoughts of Yesterday
So yesterday I had the urge to write down all those crazy ideas going on in my head. I was about to start a blog but was bombarded with questions of display name, url link, etc. I've never been able to come up with clever ideas for those types of things. I'm no Trevor. So I took a break from trying to create a blog (and clearly left that for today instead), and wrote down a spasdic stream of thoughts in my comp notepad instead. Some of excerpts follow:
-"....You're reading my words.
...that's so silly though. They're not MY words. I didn't make them up, write the alphabet, or decide how the syllables sound. They are simply words already in existance that I am putting together in a new order. Probably an order that has already existed. It's a wonder you don't ever go about reading someone else's thoughts and find you thought the same thing in the same way some day past. How many years of human life will it take for that to happen? Or has it already occured? Do we just not look that deeply into the past, afraid we'll find ourselves already deceased? Existed in another time and have since perished."
-"....I had first been contemplating my future. I'm so worried about every little detail. I've liked my life so much up to this point that the thought of change scares the hell out of me. I feel like I should have a mentor to guide me on the right path but no one has applied for the job. I dislike telling people particularly close to me things that will cause them to feel like they have control over me. Things that they can help with and that are important to my life in the long run. I'd rather it be an aquaintance I can know better as they help me. I dislike advice from those who give it as if they are superior and fully-experienced, especially in cases where I don't want advice. I don't feel like I need it most times. If something is new to me, I'll take it as it goes. However, there are times when I need to be reminded of who I am. I need others to make comments on my true character deep inside; I feel like not enough people know that person. I have someone in mind who seems like they would be prime for this job but I don't know if they are interested. Old enough, but not too old, not too haughty or forward, respectful, and analytical. How does one ask for a mentor? "Hi, would you like to guide my life from now on? Thanks, here's who I am thusfar. Try to keep up." "
-"....Half of my siblings went into college with one major and changed it to what they really love. They knew what they wanted deep down even if they ignored it at first. All of them are on the right paths, I can tell. Me, I'm leaving for school soon and am undeclared. I went to orientation and tried harder to figure out what major I was most interested in. I narrowed the list down to a tough 8 to pick from. This was after a good 2 hours. I want to learn everything. So many subjects excite me. The trouble is, nothing stands out. Everything gets me going once I really start reading about it. Sure, I'm not good at some things so that narrows the list a bit but I really wish I could just learn for the rest of my life. That is partially why I want to work with people. Like kids. I don't know what age but if I were a teacher they'd change every year, every hour, with every student. I feel like they could teach me so much but I would hate to be disappointed. I also want to do something impressive. I long to be impressive. Something clever that a lot of people don't know about..something obscure. Not just to impress others but because it would be so much fun learning that type of thing. Having a specialty. To be a forensic anthropologist would be incredible. I also like philosophy. I like learning about interpretations, different people's ideas, and to just keep learning. I feel like with philosophy there's just so much to keep going on, you're never really done. It's such a thing where the mind could be expanded so many times over again.
"I'm getting excited, my mind is getting blocked, and it's too hot under this laptop. In that case I'm taking my thoughts elsewhere. Such as my pillow. Good night."
Recently I've been wondering why the pictures we put up are only those where people are smiling and posing for the camera. We all have tons of pictures of ourselves and our families actually DOING things, why not show them off? We love talking about what we do, how much fun we have, but after those chats of the weekend's adventures around the water cooler, people return to their desks cluttered with toothy school pictures or moments when they had to hold off on the fun during vacations to turn to the camera with a winning smile.
Whenever I think about this, a few pictures in particular pop into my head. They are those that have always been packed away between dozens of other sticky photographs, timestamped over a decade ago. One is of my siblings and I splashing around in a kiddie pool at the house of some family friend. We're just as cute as we are in any other family photo, no one's disgruntled or looks unprepared for the picture; it's just a shot taken in the middle of a fun day spent with friends. The other is of my sister, when she was about the same age as she was in the previous picture, trying to hit a pinata. I don't know why I think of the two of these, but they're always there and I wonder why they were never framed and displayed about the house rather than a not-so-perfectly posed school picture that we paid for simply because it is the norm.
I think its because action shots, if you will, must be explained. It's not "here's my daughter, Stephanie, she's 5," but "see the blonde girl next to the boy with glasses? Yeah, that's my daughter, Stephanie, playing tag at a friend's house." There would only be a few more words involved but the new viewer is given more information than just the child's looks. They may get distracted by the color of the sky or the clumsy photographer's finger that covered part of the lens and shoved its way into the shot. When we display actual portraits, there's no question that we're showing the world our superficial selves. I understand this but still ask, why NOT reveal some of our interests, or for once really show how much fun we had goofing off over the Summer vacation?
Some day I want to frame the pictures of my children playing, not of my children posing.
-"....You're reading my words.
...that's so silly though. They're not MY words. I didn't make them up, write the alphabet, or decide how the syllables sound. They are simply words already in existance that I am putting together in a new order. Probably an order that has already existed. It's a wonder you don't ever go about reading someone else's thoughts and find you thought the same thing in the same way some day past. How many years of human life will it take for that to happen? Or has it already occured? Do we just not look that deeply into the past, afraid we'll find ourselves already deceased? Existed in another time and have since perished."
-"....I had first been contemplating my future. I'm so worried about every little detail. I've liked my life so much up to this point that the thought of change scares the hell out of me. I feel like I should have a mentor to guide me on the right path but no one has applied for the job. I dislike telling people particularly close to me things that will cause them to feel like they have control over me. Things that they can help with and that are important to my life in the long run. I'd rather it be an aquaintance I can know better as they help me. I dislike advice from those who give it as if they are superior and fully-experienced, especially in cases where I don't want advice. I don't feel like I need it most times. If something is new to me, I'll take it as it goes. However, there are times when I need to be reminded of who I am. I need others to make comments on my true character deep inside; I feel like not enough people know that person. I have someone in mind who seems like they would be prime for this job but I don't know if they are interested. Old enough, but not too old, not too haughty or forward, respectful, and analytical. How does one ask for a mentor? "Hi, would you like to guide my life from now on? Thanks, here's who I am thusfar. Try to keep up." "
-"....Half of my siblings went into college with one major and changed it to what they really love. They knew what they wanted deep down even if they ignored it at first. All of them are on the right paths, I can tell. Me, I'm leaving for school soon and am undeclared. I went to orientation and tried harder to figure out what major I was most interested in. I narrowed the list down to a tough 8 to pick from. This was after a good 2 hours. I want to learn everything. So many subjects excite me. The trouble is, nothing stands out. Everything gets me going once I really start reading about it. Sure, I'm not good at some things so that narrows the list a bit but I really wish I could just learn for the rest of my life. That is partially why I want to work with people. Like kids. I don't know what age but if I were a teacher they'd change every year, every hour, with every student. I feel like they could teach me so much but I would hate to be disappointed. I also want to do something impressive. I long to be impressive. Something clever that a lot of people don't know about..something obscure. Not just to impress others but because it would be so much fun learning that type of thing. Having a specialty. To be a forensic anthropologist would be incredible. I also like philosophy. I like learning about interpretations, different people's ideas, and to just keep learning. I feel like with philosophy there's just so much to keep going on, you're never really done. It's such a thing where the mind could be expanded so many times over again.
"I'm getting excited, my mind is getting blocked, and it's too hot under this laptop. In that case I'm taking my thoughts elsewhere. Such as my pillow. Good night."
Recently I've been wondering why the pictures we put up are only those where people are smiling and posing for the camera. We all have tons of pictures of ourselves and our families actually DOING things, why not show them off? We love talking about what we do, how much fun we have, but after those chats of the weekend's adventures around the water cooler, people return to their desks cluttered with toothy school pictures or moments when they had to hold off on the fun during vacations to turn to the camera with a winning smile.
Whenever I think about this, a few pictures in particular pop into my head. They are those that have always been packed away between dozens of other sticky photographs, timestamped over a decade ago. One is of my siblings and I splashing around in a kiddie pool at the house of some family friend. We're just as cute as we are in any other family photo, no one's disgruntled or looks unprepared for the picture; it's just a shot taken in the middle of a fun day spent with friends. The other is of my sister, when she was about the same age as she was in the previous picture, trying to hit a pinata. I don't know why I think of the two of these, but they're always there and I wonder why they were never framed and displayed about the house rather than a not-so-perfectly posed school picture that we paid for simply because it is the norm.
I think its because action shots, if you will, must be explained. It's not "here's my daughter, Stephanie, she's 5," but "see the blonde girl next to the boy with glasses? Yeah, that's my daughter, Stephanie, playing tag at a friend's house." There would only be a few more words involved but the new viewer is given more information than just the child's looks. They may get distracted by the color of the sky or the clumsy photographer's finger that covered part of the lens and shoved its way into the shot. When we display actual portraits, there's no question that we're showing the world our superficial selves. I understand this but still ask, why NOT reveal some of our interests, or for once really show how much fun we had goofing off over the Summer vacation?
Some day I want to frame the pictures of my children playing, not of my children posing.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)